I don’t know. I promised myself that for Max Practice during this “time,” whatever that is, I would a) write no think piece and b) only write, as Arielle Angel for Jewish Currents called it, words that constitute an act of care. With that being said, here is a list of the best Little Mix videos to watch while you’re quarantined. They are ranked according to my preference and no other data. Some of the values we’re looking for:
how good the song itself is
how elaborate the concept of the video is
how thoroughly the video centers/appreciates Jade
I want to acknowledge that I agonized over rankings 2-7.
10. Move
I don’t enjoy this song at all. Weak video conceptually. If Jade weren’t in this, maybe unwatchable, but her lipstick manages to redeem everything. Pink Lipstick Jade.
9. Only You
This is the only video on the list that does not specifically feature Little Mix themselves. You’d think this would immediately disqualify it from the top ten (obviously, No Jade), but hear me out: the song itself is excellent, AND it’s lesbians. Think Portrait of A Lady On Fire meets Shape of Water. As you might expect, Portrait speaks to all the good parts of the video, Shape of Water to all of the bad. Deduct points for making me cry, which no Little Mix video should have the power to do.
8. Change Your Life
Wholesome tour montage. “For the fans.” Blue Hair Jade. Supportive of Her Friends Jade. There’s a comment on this YouTube video that reads “One Direction make a song that every girl want to hear. But Little Mix make a song that every girl want to say.” 1,600 likes.
7. Love Me Like You
This is the first of our Little Mix concept videos. It hits the sexy/silly sweet spot in that even, measured way that only Little Mix can. The production value is so high and the colors are so bright. Campy Jade. Smitten Jade. The love interest guy is actually hot. Best acting Jesy’s ever done. We close on some light Sapphic energy (Leigh-Anne and Perry slow-dancing) and Jade looking unhappy with a cis man.
6. Think About Us
Arguably the best Little Mix song ever made. Jesy owns this video and proves, once and for all, she should only wear red. This song is too sexy to make into a Little Mix concept video, a choice I respect. Each of the Little Mixes look confident and sexually powerful in equal measure (do we call them Little Mixes? Little Mixers??). Ruthless Jade. Untouchable Jade. Bikini While It’s Snowing Jade.
5. Black Magic
Another excellent concept vid. Enormous sapphic energy. Nerdy witch girls who only hang out with each other, then become extremely hot via magic, then ignore all the boys that now worship them? Committing to the bit Jade, then Prep School Jade. Gossip Girl Jade. Gabby says, “this is the corniest video of them all,” but I don’t care.
4. Shout Out To My Ex
I wasn’t able to embrace Perry until this video. It’s inspired by her four year relationship with Zayn Malik, which allegedly ended via text message. She does genuinely look “over it.” More importantly, though: Unfazed Jade. Indulgent Jade. Jade with a toy gun. Jade in a neon pink one-piece swimsuit. JADE. Long shots of the desert and more ignoring of men. Be warned: Leigh-Anne around the 1:50 mark may stop your heart.
3. Woman Like Me
The Gang Does Lemonade. One of their better songs, plus the video’s got a particularly coherent theme. Dancing with books on their heads? Throwing vacuums and eating roses? Yeah, why not. We love a vaguely feminist theme. Indignant Jade. Rebellious Jade. I laugh every time Nicki Minaj does her verse and there’s a shot of all the girls just nodding in rhythm like, “Yeah, we got Nicki for this.”
2. Touch
“Touch” is a perfect distillation of the Little Mix sexuality. It’s joyous, bubbly and uncompromisingly hot. The bizarro pastel maze backdrop somehow makes the video hotter. I don’t totally understand it’s effect on me, only that it works. Flirting Jade. Follow Me Around The Bizarro Pastel Maze Jade. Ruin Your Life For Me Jade. The final dance sequence will break your brain wide open. BY FAR the best video to watch stoned.
1. Hair
When I set out to make this list, I initially thought several of these videos could easily rank #1. Upon further reflection, I realized “Hair” is the only video that could not rank anywhere but #1. “Hair” is Little Mix at their finest. Essential Little Mix. Crucially, Leigh-Anne stars: she’s goofy and adorable and makes you believe she’d actually fuck Sean Paul. Highest Sapphic energy possible here— sleepover parties, hot pink cocktails, lingerie, and is Jade wearing SILK?! 1:59-2:20 are 21 seconds that I return to repeatedly when I have to anchor myself, somehow, to this cruel and broken world. Specifically, Jade’s look at the camera at 2:18! There aren’t words! Nor there should be! Just da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da-da.